Danielle Kornacki Pressuring clients with the notion that forgiveness is a necessary step of recovery can be a harmful approach in trauma-focused therapy. Survivors of trauma have long been led to believe that forgiveness is an integral and essential part of moving forward and letting go of the pain associated with their traumatic experiences. What if this is simply untrue?
Anger can be an adaptative response
Forgiveness involves willfully deciding to let go of feelings of resentment and anger towards someone who has caused harm to you. However, aren’t these feelings valid? I would even go so far as to argue that anger can be beneficial to the therapeutic process. Anger is a normal response to perceived threats or danger. When anger is expressed constructively, it can help survivors regain a sense of power by promoting self-protection and instilling the desire to fight back. Anger can provide a sense of control and help refute a survivor’s potentially harmful belief that they are powerless. It’s important to recognize that an integral part of trauma therapy involves the client establishing a sense of safety, and anger can promote such feelings.
The dangers of forgiveness
A client may associate forgiveness with absolving their perpetrator of responsibility or blame. This association can reinforce a client’s belief that they bear some accountability for their experiences. This can be dangerous in continuing to perpetuate a culture of victim-blaming. Another consideration in forgiveness is the concern that this focuses on the perpetrator, whereas the attention of a client’s treatment should be on themselves as they process their individual experience.
You don’t have to forgive
In my work with trauma survivors, I have learned that recovery is not dependent on their ability to forgive, and for some clients, this reassurance can bring about a sense of relief. The reality is that many survivors feel that the perpetrator does not deserve forgiveness, and that’s ok. It would be against the nature of a therapist should they try to convince them otherwise.
